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The Cat

She stares back at me
With her cold piercing eyes
Straight from the bowels of hell
Content to remain where she lies
She pays me no mind
Like I don't even exist
I scowl and slam my hand
Into the tightest of fists

She could care less
Of what I think of her
She just has enough energy
To stretch out and purr
The feminest of felines
Has got'n under my craw
This Siamese house cat
Lying there lickin' her paw

She just sleeks away
If I start to cuss
Heck if she could open a can of cat food
She wouldn't even need us
Sheeena...her name pierces me
Like a knife through my eyes
I spend my time now not doin' work
But fantasising of her demise

After the night she sauntered by me
With all of her feline charm
Looked over her shoulder
And peed on my arm
I'd a rung her neck
Right on the spot
Happy to send her back to hell
And let her rot

If it were our cat...that'd be to easy...
It's a friends pet
But accidents can happen...
It's amazing they haven't happened yet
I've offered to take it down to the lake
Fer a refreshing swim of course
Had a gunny sac all ready
On the back of the horse

But they caught me in the act
I mean...my offer was declined
So she struts round the house
The arrogant conniving feline
Snugglin' up to the women
When it suits her need
Like she 's this innocent creature
'Sheena would never of peed'

She goes into heat
'Bout every two days
Sreeechin' in cryin'
Irritatin' me in so many ways
I can't stand it
She's goin' to drive me nuts
Lead me to an early grave
No if, ands, or buts

She's takin' over the household
Thinks she's won
But I swear where I sit
This ain't done
I hate cats...always have
But this is a different case
There's only room fer one of us
Round this place

So I bide my time
Sittin' alone, outside, on a log
Plottin' my revenge
Just me...and my dog
Waitin' fer my opportunity
To do in that rat
Guess folks are right with what they say
Bout cowboys 'n cats

Here kitty kitty kitty kitty
I'll snicker from down on my knees
And that'll be the last we hear from
Sheena that dang Siamese !

For booking information you can e-mail Diamond Doug or call:
1-204-736-3412
or mail :
Diamond Doug Keith
Rhymin' Diamond Ranch
Domain, Manitoba, R0G 0M0